Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Dear Michelle, I hope by the time you've read this.. you've already gotten over it. Sometimes, things just dont go our way. I wanted to call you up yesterday, but it was already 12 plus. Sigh, I didnt know that you were crying last night. Sometimes, we seemed like we're being ripped out of the world and cast aside--- I've been through that as well. We do not know which direction to go, we dont even know if there's somebody who's going to guide us through this tough time. Whenever I cry, I feel alone--- I feel like there's just nobody out there who understands what I'm feeling. And that, is a fact. The fact is, nobody understands what's going on in your head ( Come to think of it, it would be extremely weird to have someone who really understands what you're thinking. ).. because, you keep it down inside you. When i cry, I feel like the whole damn world is totally against me. Whenever I cry, my mind automatically replays what had happened for a period of time, and like it or not, you cry even harder. Michelle, the thing is.. i've been through it as well.
I've been having petty arguments with my siblings as well. Looking at the brighter side; Let's just it's probably one of the ways to draw our relationshop closer. Funny, whenever I go back to my room at night , preparing myself for bed... the tears begin to roll and the whole emotion dramama thing comes back. And then, you switch on the stereo and the radio just happens to play a very emotional song. You cry harder and start wallowing in pity. I do not know if this happens to you.. but i always think, " How i wish i can fall asleep forever." Yep, I've got that kind of thought that keeps rewinding in my mind. I dont think it's a suicidal thought, it's just an emotional statement. It sounds cliche, but it happens--- to me.
The thing is, I always regret not ringing any of my friends up to talk to. Ironically, i always tell my buddles, " Hey, feel troubled? Talk la." Sometimes, you might think that you can handle the situation or you know, naively think that the whole problem would die down. ( That's what i always think, by the way.) And then, you start being pitiful about it.. and cry again. Look, so what if you think that the whole situation would die down in a matter of time? It might, but what about now? Arent you crying your lungs out, your tears running like an open tap? Using your pillow as a comforter?
You definitely have a handphone or a house phone around. Dont dial SOS, for it would cause a much bigger problem. Call somebody who's been out there for you, who had already promised to be there for you whenever shit happens.
I've been wanting to write about how i felt for the past few days, but i didnt had the courage to. I'm glad someone was willing to share.. and it has given me the push to write this post.
I regret not calling up my friends whenever i felt down. Dear friends, if you ever see your phone lighting up in the middle of the night, and you see my number... dont turn me down, okay? You will make me feel better. By the way, I think it's super brave of someone who dares to call someone in the middle of the night.
Because, you're willing to let it out.... finally.
2/28/2006 12:16:00 PM/ i know what you want to say
