Thursday, July 06, 2006
Right at this moment, I'm sitting down here with mixed emotions. My mind's pretty in a whirl right now, I dunno what am I thinking about.
I've come to realised that whenever I smile, deep down I'm not exactly feeling the same. Yea, perhaps when I laugh; it's MY way of relieving my real inner thoughts ( to make it sound more straight-forward; it's my way of releasing my frustrations, confusion) . And that can be absolutely deceiving. What an irony! You start getting confused ( like what I am right now) and the people around you think that you're such a happy go lucky girl; to an extent even if the world comes crashing down on you, you're still be able to lift up your spirits.
What a joke. It really is... It really is...
Gawd, I dont know what's going on with me. I want to cry, I really do. I feel awful whenver I hide my feelings around my friends.
I've always been capable of handling my own situations and problems. (That's probably the reason why people come to me and bare their problems to me. I dont mind that, really. Cus it really goes to show how much you trust me.) But right now, I'm feeling choked up with emotions, I dont know where the hell am i heading to. I feel so useless all of a sudden; I'm not able to face up to reality. I've been replacing my unhappiness with laughters and insanity -- and hell, it always worked out for me. Granted, it's probably a temporary stress-relieving technique; for when I go to bed alone, and I start thinking back about what happened during the day.. I feel crappy. But hey,at the very least, I'm still able to keep up with my optimism during the day.
Now, I cant do that. As I'm blogging, my eyes are totally fogged up and it seems like the monitor's blurred. Pardon me if I type wrongly. Cracked up, is what i feel.
Oh hell, what's wrong with me?
At least, I've come across something very comforting apart from my unhappiness. Here it is:
Michelle, it's such a beautiful artwork that you published on your profile. Indeed, it brought a smile on my face! :)
I'll tide this over, I believe I'm strong enough to face this up.
Michelle: That's nice! Tag more often, okay? So that I know you're doing well despite our busy schedules! :) Tracy: Okay la, I realised that I cant live without you. Happy? *hugs
7/06/2006 05:56:00 PM/ i know what you want to say
